101 Regeln für Nu Metaller:

1. when asked about your main influence, say it's black sabbath. always
> black
> sabbath
>
> 2.don't sound anything like black sabbath
>
> 3.make fun of britney spears and n'sync
>
> 4.when conducting interviews, say "fuck", "fag", and "shit as much as
> possible
>
> 5.only do interviews with: metal edge, revolver, alternative press, hit
> parader, guitar world, kerrang and rolling stone
>
> 6.pay 50$ for them to refer to you as a metal band.
>
> 7.pay them 50$ to create a new genre name specifically for you (see evil
> disco and spookycore)
>
> 8.make sure someone in your band is starting a side project every other
> month
>
> 9.ask your mom to buy you 6 boxes of hair gel, you'll need it to look like
> robb flynn
>
> 10.use the word "gay" for anything you don't like
>
> 11.no guitar solos
>
> 12.your bassist must be either....
>
> 13. ...female (and a kindergoth)
>
> 14. ...or use fieldy's slap and pop technique (and be very fat)
>
> 15.jump lots while playing guitar
>
> 16.use only "bass-snare-bass-snare" drum techniques
>
> 17.ask your audience to sing along....
>
> 18.....jump up and down...
>
> 19....put their hands in the air....
>
> 20.....flash their middle fingers.....
>
> 21....and not to hurt eachother (say "because were all brothers and
> sisters"
>
> 22.in the liner notes thank your parents and 15 other bands (4 of which
> sound just like yours, put in black sabbath to be cool)
>
> 23. make sure at least one member....
>
> 24...has been arrested....
>
> 25...is an alcoholic.....
>
> 26...or smokes lots of weed
>
> 27.make sure your second album is weaker than the first one
>
> 28.deny anyone uses drugs in your band
>
> 29.say you hate limp bizkit, while defending primer 55, dope and taproot
>
> 30.when describing bands you like say "kicks ass"
>
> 31.when describing bands you hate, say "sucks ass"
>
> 32.lie about being abused in you lyrics
>
> 33. when that doesn't work, dedicate money to child abuse centres
>
> 34.you must be signed to sony records or their subsidiaries (see epic)
>
> 35.wear whatever rappers are wearing
>
> 36.say "shaznit"
>
> 37. say "tight as fuck"
>
> 38. pretend you hate mtv
>
> 39.ask fred durst for interview advise
>
> 40.wear huge pants that show your underwear
>
> 41.sing the praises of Korn
>
> 42.you need atleast one chick in your band (or, failing that an obese latino
> guy will do)
>
> 43.play ozzfest
>
> 44.make sure your t-shirts have meaningless messages on them (see otep)
>
> 45.pretend you design your own website
>
> 46.ross robinson should produce your cd (failing that ask gggarth
> richardson)
>
> 47.delay your album releases twice
>
> 48.have atleast one guest track on all your albums.
>
> 49.always whine
>
> 50.close your eyes when singing to look depressed
>
> 51.LOTS of body piercings (see dez fafara)
>
> 52.one band member must be bald
>
> 53.or he can have a goatee (both if you can)
>
> 54.pretend you hate the world
>
> 55.at live shows dive into the crowd and crowdsurf (see sid wilson of
> slipknot)
>
> 56.make sure your underwear is always showing
>
> 57.your drummer can't wear a shirt during live performance (he also needs a
> square haircut)
>
> 58.bite the microphone
>
> 59.swing the microphone while headbanging
>
> 60.always suck up to the crowd during concerts
>
> 61.insert the word "fucking" into the middle of a word (see
> coco-fucking-nut)
>
> 62.only use zildjian cymbals
>
> 63.use only ibanez guitars (not that anyone cares)
>
> 64.always use seven string guitars (not that you use all of them)
>
> 65.use lots of stomp pedals and other distortion effects
>
> 66.wear face paint/masks. when someone calls you a slipknot clone say "we've
> been doing the mask thing since 1977"
>
> 67.say your next album will be heavier than the last
>
> 68.re-read #67, but use the word "fucking" more often
>
> 69.make sure that the next album is actually softer than the last
>
> 70.use the word "fuck" in all your songs atleast 3 times each (see limp
> bizkit's last "masterpiece"
>
> 71.pick fights with random bands (see fred durst, corey taylor and sully
> erna)
>
> 72.if your copying someone else, don't use profanity, so that critics like
> you (see linkin park)
>
> 73.when kids start calling you sellouts, tell them they'd do the same thing.
>
> 74.when kids call you copycats, say the other band is an influence OR....
>
> 75.....it's a coincidence (see adema)
>
> 76.make fun of gay people
>
> 77.when parents tell you to go to your room, go to your room
>
> 78.do a new album every year. whether the material is new or not is
> completely inconsequential
>
> 79.get in fights with security all the time
>
> 80.wash your sneakers only 4 times a year
>
> 82.release a home video that just shows your band making asses of themselves
> backstage (limp bizkit are masters of this)
>
> 83.during a live performance, make the crowd sing the chorus to your current
> single (see POD)
>
> 84.make sure 90% of your fans are dumb twelve year olds who use your name on
> the internet all the time (see slipknot666, limpbizkitrulzazz! and linkin
> chick) the other 10% are actually smart people who take your music at face
> value.
>
> 85.your band name must be misspelled
>
> 86.refuse to accept the fact that kids are violent because of your music.
> blame it on the parents.
>
> 87. when someone compares you with another band, say "I never heard of them"
>
> 88.cancel the first 5 dates (including the only canadian date) of every
> north american tour you do.
>
> 89.claim that you really are angry in your music
>
> 90.insist your band is metal
>
> 91.best buy and hot topic are your best friends
>
> 92.say your gonna commit suicide when nobody listens to your music (this
> also works for Deicide)
>
> 93.wear lots of black and white face paint and act evil (oh wait that's
> black metal)
>
> 94.claim to be a fan of kittie, otep and coal chamber for their music when
> in reality you just want to fuck one of the female members of said bands
>
> 95, deny that #94 is true. proceed to stomp your foot on the floor when
> people say that to you!
>
> 96.your radio single must have clean vocals or at least melodic riffing (in
> other words, don't be hatebreed)
>
> 97.write a profanity filled dirge about how you hate your critics (see limp
> bizkit's "hot dog"
>
> 98.if you're new, cover an old 80's dance song (see disturbed, alien ant
> farm,
> orgy, dope)
>
> 99.participate in lots of compilations
>
> 100.NO GUITAR SOLOS!
>
> 101.you're offended by all these rules.